Is It Enough

I often feel completely inadequate as a mother. I try my best, I do, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel good enough.

I yell too much. I can’t keep a clean house. I don’t play with them. I lose my temper far too quickly.

I love my kids fiercely, but sometimes it’s hard to like them….or rather, what they do. And I know I KNOW the feeling is mutual. And I blame myself, mostly.

I’m jealous of mothers that just do it so naturally, so calmly, so happily. I’m happy for them, of course, but I also sometimes feel like my kids drew the short straw when they got me, the mom that sometimes yells about how messy their rooms are when she puts them to bed instead of tucking them in and kissing them good night.

I will always ALWAYS fight for them, protect them, and try my best to set a good example, praying they grow up to be good, polite, kind people. But if I’m their role model, I can only hope that the good days weigh on their hearts more than the bad.

mother's day

Getting the Behavior I Want

I’m gonna be real with y’all. Like, really, really real. I’ve been solo parenting for two solid weeks now, and Thanksgiving is stressing me out. I just lost my mind on my kids as I put them to bed, with like, an adult style tantrum. I threw toys down the hall, for crying out loud.Continue Reading

Project 365: Week 47

Nov. 16 Even after the kids go to bed, I’ve still got somebody wanting thisclose to me. Nov. 17 I love bloggy friends, and I super love when they send me lovely things in the mail, like this stripey hand-painted card from Clare of Girl Fifteen, who has been playing along with Through the LensContinue Reading

The Yearly Grouping

I’m a sucker for family pictures, and with NaBloPoMo making me all nostalgic and this year’s photo session looming, I took a little look back. (Sorry for the pictures of pictures with the first few….posting every day makes me lazy) Single momming it (the first year): And the second: Our first family photo with T.Continue Reading

Team Up With Me For Kansas Kids!

As a mom of four (three in school), it’s not always easy to insist on healthy foods, physical activity and healthy habits. Most days, it’s hard to get all four kids out of bed, eating breakfast and out the door in time for school. It takes some creativity to find time to pack three schoolContinue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Gloom

One morning, when I went into the kitchen to make breakfast, I saw this foreboding scene of doom and gloom: Lego guy on the edge of the counter, seconds from falling off. I did what any concerned citizen would do and got out my camera. Lego guy is now safely buried in the box withContinue Reading

To be three (in haiku)

I dare you, defy! You can’t argue forever Or maybe you can.   The demands don’t end. Up at dawn and down too late. You are exhausting.   Real: bedtime struggles when dealing with threenagers. They want what they want.   Oh, you look so sweet. You finally closed your eyes and your sassy mouth.

My Personal Bubble Has Been Popped

So, I’ve been solo parenting for a week now, and it’s not going to end any time soon (relatively….you know, for a mom of four young kids in the beginning of winter….another week and a half feels like FOREVER), but the hardest part this time around isn’t just the lack of energy or patience toContinue Reading

A thousand words and a hundred thousand more.

I remember a lot about those last couple of months of 2006. I remember our last Halloween, the first trick-or-treating. I remember visiting my grandparents and Henry playing with our old toys and running in the leaf-filled yard on a beautiful, warm fall day. I remember that night. Oh, how I remember that night. IContinue Reading

Project 365: Week 46

This was not an exciting week, but it was a cold one. Nov. 9 Hub’s birthday! It was low-key, like he likes it. And then we slept. Nov. 10 I really shouldn’t take him anywhere close to lunch time without feeding him first. Nov. 11 He took four baths that day. FOUR. The last one,Continue Reading