Tag Archives: Ivy

It’s Been Nine Years

I see glimpses of him in his kids, all the time. Both have become smart, head-in-the-clouds artists, creative and (mostly) thoughtful.

Nine years ago today, I was leaving the hospital for the last time, crying as my mom drove the two of us home and telling her that I was pregnant with (who would become) Ivy. She had to talk me through what in the world to do about Christmas, and telling everyone now that I had to ditch the Christmas Card Announcement plan that he and I had made a month before. We did come up with a plan that involved that card plus a letter that was so hard to write but contained everything that I couldn’t say out loud.

We had made The decision for him after he stayed in the hospital unconscious for those three days, rapidly losing brain function. You wouldn’t know it unless you’ve been through it, but there’s a lot of paperwork involved. The tiny reward comes a few months later, when the person who got an organ writes you a letter about how his quality of life has changed so much thanks to the lung or heart or kidney he was given and you sit down, holding the paper that you can no longer see through your tears because it was so unexpected and appreciated.

The meetings with the funeral director, the funeral itself, and that Christmas all have vivid memories attached. It wasn’t until life went back to “normal” and I trudged on through pregnancy and new babyhood that things got fuzzy.

Sometimes, I think it’s gotten easier, but really, it’s just gotten different. The memories and glimpses always pop up when they’re expected and so very unexpected. At this point, he’s been gone almost twice as long as we were married, and logically, it seems like that time shouldn’t be as important anymore. But of course it is just as important because grief isn’t logical and love isn’t logical and he’s still living on through his kids.

Through the Lens Thursday: Catch Up

It’s ridiculous how behind I got on this, and how overwhelmed I’ve been lately. (Breathe) But Clare has been dedicated to this project and I refuse to let her go it alone! So, here are a few weeks’ worth of pictures to get me caught up. DRAWN: The narwhal Ivy drew and painted for meContinue Reading

Letting Go.

Patience has never been a strength of mine. Since I was little, I’ve tried to find out what my presents were before the holidays happened. I get tired of waiting on people when I’m ready to go somewhere or be done with something. My least favorite time of year is the holiday season; I loveContinue Reading

Back At It.

I’m sitting in a quiet office while my big three get used to their new classes on the first day of school and Ervin sleeps or plays with his grandpa. He stayed at their house last night so he wouldn’t have to take the big kids to school and then come back home with me.Continue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Shadow

Or, as I’m calling it “Self Portrait with Child” Through The Lens Thursday is a self-improvement photography project that Alison and I are doing this year (again!). Don’t forget to join our Flickr group or share your own posts if you’d like to follow along and work on your own photography! And use the hashtagContinue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Serene and Car

I totally missed last week. Not only we were deep in the trenches of bible school every day, but I’m still kind of getting used to being on summer break again (yes, even after two weeks). There is absolutely nothing serene about four kids being home every day, but even more so, when apparently locustsContinue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Negative Space

I love using negative space. Love it. Since there’s very little blank wall in our house, Ivy and I went outside to the neighbor’s shed and had a little fun. Through The Lens Thursday is a self-improvement photography project that Alison of Writing, Wishing and I are doing this year (again!). Don’t forget to joinContinue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Upside Down

This was a fun prompt. It was a beautiful day, and I told the kids I needed some upside down pictures.   I was under the tree branch looking up in this one:   For this one, Ivy and I were both lying down in the grass, and I held my camera over my head,Continue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Yellow

There’s a lot of yellow in our yard, so I took my camera out to find it. Look mom, no training wheels! Through The Lens Thursday is a self-improvement photography project that Alison of Writing, Wishing and I are doing this year (again!). Don’t forget to join our Flickr group or share your own postsContinue Reading

Through the Lens Thursday: Cute

I told myself that I would not, under any circumstances, post a bunch of pictures of my dog again. I did that already (a few times). It doesn’t matter how cute she is, I would. not. do. it. So I had to figure something else out. My youngest is going to be four in aContinue Reading