I am a fairly new fan to Julia, blogger at Julia’s Math. She is the mother of a daughter and wife to a (very patient?) man, whom she writes about lovingly and honestly. She writes about family life (and the subsequent lack of sleep) in a candid and humorous way, as well as life BEFORE family.
I’m so happy to have Julia here today, and to be able to introduce you to her!
Expectations. It is such a loaded word, an almost dangerous word. I, like most, expected my life to turn out a certain way. Surprisingly though, things have not gone according to my ‘plan’.
Sometimes, I long to be twenty-two again, when I had it (life, that is) all figured out. The world was mine for the taking- no mortgage, no children, and no responsibilities- only expectations. In semi-unrelated news, my hangovers did not last DAYS like they do now. (If my head hurts this badly after thirty, I shudder to think what is waiting for me after forty.) When I was twenty-two, I expected my life to turn out a certain way…
I expected I would marry my Prince Charming and that married life would be a series of carefree jokes and snuggles; constant sex and dinner dates.
I expected I would have a Very Important Job, where I would be making buckets of money and the envy of everyone else.
I never expected to have a child. I expected to have a condo in Germany instead.
I never expected to move away from my family (again).
Thankfully- and unexpectedly- as I have grown older I have also grown a little bit wiser. I have learned that many times-not every time, but many times, life gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want, no matter how hard one might pray or how many promises one might make. Life might not deliver what one expects, but if examined closely enough, it is often what is needed most
I did marry my Prince Charming. Thankfully, he is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I expected; or rather, thought I needed. I thought I should marry someone just like me- about my age, an extrovert with a flair for the challenge of sales, and Catholic. The more Type A, the better. We would live in my hometown, close to both of our families in a cool downtown loft. He would feel the same way about dogs (absolutely not), champagne (yes, please), and children (no, but thanks).
I married a man who is twelve and half years older than me, from rural Georgia (he grew up on a farm), is a pilot who is more comfortable doing a predictable, introverted job than convincing strangers to acquire something they might or might not need. He is most decidedly not Type A, nor is he Catholic. When I met him, I knew I would marry him. Unlike most ‘I-knew-when-I-met-him’ stories, I thought it was a terrible idea to get married, as he was nothing like what I expected my future husband to be like. (I always hoped to marry a man with an accent; I never expected it to be a Southern one!) I knew because I could not imagine my life without him in it. Things then and now are not important- real, in a sense- until I share it with him.
Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it is wonderful, and I am tremendously proud of both of us. It has not been easy. We have worked incredibly hard to meet in the middle. Because of him, I am a better person. I have learned to listen, to think before I act, and to understand it’s not all about me all of the time.
I never expected I would want a child. My daughter has been the biggest blessing in my life, and I do not want to imagine my life without her in it. I remember the day I woke up and thought- “My life is empty. I am missing something.” I firmly believe humanity needs more great men like my husband and the only way I can assure that is to make sure the great parts of him live on in our child.
Motherhood and the economy have tempered my career plans a bit. I am in a job I enjoy, and like to think I excel in, but I am not where I expected to be.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned thus far is to toss all expectations out the window and live by acceptance and being happy living in the moment.