Robin writes at Farewell, Stranger. I had the pleasure of meeting her in person at Blissdom last year, and she is just as kind and supportive in real life as she is online.
Stop over and read this post called Becoming Real, about losing yourself when you become a mother. Isn’t it amazing? Robin writes so beautifully and her struggles as a mom to her two handsome little men. Bartering Sleep struck a nerve with moms everywhere (including myself) and Four is a post that I relate to so very much.
I’m so glad to have you here, Robin!
I can’t remember exactly when my dad stopped teasing me about being homesick while on an exchange to Germany, but it was a while ago now, which leads me to believe that he must think I’ve finally grown up.
I was 15 at the time of the exchange and I was excited. I was excited going to the airport, excited on the plane, and excited rushing through the Frankfurt airport trying to interpret the signs with only a year and a half of German lessons behind me. I must have been nervous too, but I don’t remember that. I just remember the excitement.
My host family met me at the airport and my excitement lasted through the drive to their town, but not much beyond that. Astrid, my exchange partner, had spent three months living with my family in the fall of that year so I knew her, but it was my first time meeting her family, starting with her mom. Who was lovely, but she was not my own mom. (My own mom also doesn’t drive like a German on the Autobahn, but the fact that Astrid’s mother did wasn’t what fazed me.)
It was all just so different.
The culture was different, the food was different, and my head was overflowing with snippets of a different language as I tried desperately to keep up.
On one of my first nights there I was so homesick I couldn’t sleep, so Astrid’s mom played cards with me. Funny how we remember things like that, isn’t it? She was so accepting of my tears, and playing cards was certainly better than crying alone in the dark, but I just wanted my own mom.
When I talked to my mom (and I can only imagine how she must have felt) she both sympathized and gave me a few pieces of very practical advice. I so desperately wanted to come home and she would have let me, but she knew I could work through it.
And I did. I spent four months there going to school and learning German. By the time I left I was fluent (and when I look back now at letters I wrote to my parents I see that my normally good English grammar definitely took a hit as a result). I had the incredible fortune to travel, with my host family and my school, to Italy, Switzerland, Paris, Amsterdam, and England. I went to East Berlin when it was still East Berlin (though the wall had started to come down, partly thanks to a couple of pieces that found their way into my pocket). It was an experience beyond anything I could ever have anticipated.
Even though my dad has stopped teasing me about it, that homesick girl is still somewhere inside me. I catch a glimpse of her sometimes, but now it’s not my mom who provides the advice, it’s me. And I just tell her, “You can do it. And it will be great.”
Get to know Robin over at Farewell, Stranger, Facebook, and Twitter.
I'm so impressed that you did so much at just 15! That is awesome, Robin.
This is totally one of those things where if I had to send myself back now I'd be completely freaked out, but once I got over my homesickness it all seemed easy breezy. I think we underestimate ourselves.
Great post!
The Autobahn thing made me smile
I went on student exchanges to England and France when I was in my mid-teens, but only for a few weeks. I never did get homesick, I guess I was born in Germany, but I was not meant to live there.
I love living in British Columbia – and I came as soon as I could
I will never forget that first drive on the Autobahn!
Not sure what it is about me and homesickness – I was like that when I went away to university too.
That was sweet. I'm closing in on 40 and I still get homesick for my mom:-)
Yeah, me too.
Is it bad that I'm almost 32 and I still get homesick for my mom (who lives just 10 minutes away)?
I am so impressed that you did all of that at just 15 years old!
Nah, I totally do. We moved away a year ago and it was leaving my parents that was the hardest part about it. Thankfully they're closer again now!
This reminds me of when we had a French exchange student stay with us for a month when I was 15. I'm sure she felt some of the same things you did. It has to be pretty hard to be that far from everything and (mostly) everyone you know!
Totally hard, and of course you don't know what it feels like until you do it. But I'm so glad I did.
I'm mightily impressed, Robin! 4 months so far away from home at 15 is a big, brave thing to do. And to go to all those other places – awesome! I remember when I was 15/ 16, there was an exchange program going on with an Australian school. I begged and begged my parents to let me apply – no dice.
So I married an Aussie 15-16 years later, just so I can live there some day.
Joking. Sort of.
Hee hee. Serves them right.
You've had some great overseas adventures too.
I remember telling you not to forget to drink water. Rule 1. Stay hydrated. It was awful being so far away but I knew that if you quit it would be devastating to you. You were very brave! XO
It's hardly brave to bawl on the phone to one's mother.
Oh but you did hang in and learned the language and had adventures and didn't starve yourself. You made your last line possible. You can do anything. It always turns out differently from expectations but that's okay.
And thank goodness for Rae Neilsen who told us it always took three weeks to get better. Better language, make some friends, settle in. I remember you saying you found the different food very hard.
I wonder if my boys are going to want to do this in time. I don't see how they won't- but from a mom's perspective that will be a very hard thing to happen. From the perspective of a former teenage girl with itchy traveling feet- I couldn't have gotten out the door quickly enough.
Awesome experience for you! And funny how all the while reading this post my thoughts went back to your mom and how she handled it.
That's what I think about now too – how hard this would be as a mom. But it was a great experience and I'm so grateful to have had it.
That is an amazing adventure for a 15 year old! I can completely relate to the homesickness, I experienced that, too.
It definitely was! Wish I could re-live it.
That's a big adventure for a 15 year old, and what a thing to remember when you feel like you can't get through something.
(When I was 17 I went to a yearbook camp in NYC for a week. My first day there I called my sweet grandma, because she is a phone talker and I just didn't want to be "alone." Of course a day later I met friends and was sneaking away from campus to check out little stores on the subway, but that first morning was tough.)
That's so awesome that you phoned your Grandma. And nice that you met friends and went on to have fun.
Wow what a big adventure! I would have cried some homesick tears as well. My favorite part of all of this, I think, is that your host mother stayed up to play cards with you when you were so upset. What a simple, tender gesture on her part. It's so lovely to know other people (whom you've just only met) can be so kind and motherly in your own mother's absence. I can picture it clearly. And yes! YOU DID IT. You learned you could and got a ton of stories to boot
I totally remember that too. It's one of those visuals that's burned on my brain – us sitting on the bed playing cards. She was so great about it.
What an incredible adventure and opportunity but I can understand how you would miss your mom so much! I don't know if I could have gone so far away from my family. I'm glad you stayed (and I'm certain you are too).
It's funny, when choosing a university a couple of years later I chose one closer to home. I got into McGill, but decided that was too far. Follow that logic, huh?
Homesickness can be a good feeling. It lets us know that, wherever we are, home is in our hearts. Kudos to your mom for recognizing that homesickness does not have to be a reason to go home.
So true. And major kudos to her. She's very wise that way.
What a great age to experience a new place and learn how strong you can be! Heimweh is a sickness that it sounds like your German mother understood well. Aren't you so glad you stayed?
SO glad I stayed.
That had to be an AMAZING experience.
My current boss lived and worked in Germany for awhile (he's originally from the UK). Sometimes we will be working on a report, and he will comment, "I could say this so much better in German." I remind him that if I'm not allowed to write in profanity then he isn't allowed to right in German.
Ha! And fair enough.
How totally cool and terrifying for a 15 year old! I was never a really homesick person, but I can't imagine going overseas for 4 months at that age. I'm glad you stuck it out. Sounds like you had an amazing experience!
I totally did. And I'm definitely a homesick person. Still am in a way.
I think it's awesome that you ventured out of your comfort zone so early. And what a great outlook you have on life….because you CAN do it!
I think it really helped me. I'm sure if I hadn't done it I would have been much more timid later on.
Robin, I had never felt that longing for home as much as I did when I was in Spain. I grew to love the country, its food and the people, but I also felt this longing to be home. I need to remind myself of what I did as a 20 year old. If you don't dare, then you will always wonder, right?
Right.
I remember when I went to England for a choir trip. I was so young – grade six maybe? I was so exciting but when I got there, I was incredibly homesick. I didn't like any of the food – even the water tasted different (and gross). Plus, we were waking up exceptionally early every morning to rehearse, and so I was just exhausted. I'm glad I had the opportunity to go on that week long trip, but I really didn't enjoy it.
I hope that you weren't homesick for the WHOLE trip. It is hard being somewhere so entirely different from your own home.
No, I wasn't. I got over it, though it was rough there for a while. But it didn't last too long and in the end the experience was a grand adventure that I thoroughly enjoyed.
At 41 – I still get home sick. Which now translates as "I just want my Mom". The up-side of being home sick though – it means there is a spot somewhere on this earth that shines like a 1000 suns because it's so packed with love.
I still do too. Luckily my mom is nearby.
And what a lovely sentiment.
Oh how I love, and relate to, this Robin!
Love seeing the two of you together here!
I'm glad it's not just me.