Great Expectations: The Kir Corner

I mentioned Kir the other week, when she let me share a Proud Mommy Moment with you guys and her readers. I mentioned how she is kind, and supportive, and loving. I’m so happy to have her here today to talk about her expectations.

Kir writes very openly about her struggle with fertility and the birth of her handsome twin boys. She’s inspirational in the way she writes about the hard times she’s been through and the love and friendship she’s found through her writing.

Kir is a fiction writer, a storyteller. Her writing is incredible, and I encourage you to get lost in it for a while.

I’m proud to have her in my corner today. Thanks for sharing with us, Kir!

Hi everyone.

I am so excited to be sharing this space with Greta today; she is a truly phenomenal gal. “Great Expectations” is such a wonderful series and I am so proud and humbled to be here today sharing my thoughts with you today.

I believe that the posts that have come out of us talking about our own expectations show us a very human side of one another and the stories give us a chance to nod our heads and say “yes! Me too!”

Thank you Greta, Your friendship and support has made me smile this year and “Great Expectations” is one of my favorite things about the internet.

You’re awesome Girl! Xo

“Expectations” is such a big word, in so many more ways than the number of letters.

Because unlike having only yourself to count on, it begs your heart to rely on someone or something else, to anticipate events that may not be within your control or to hope for something that is not guaranteed; it simply seeks a trust beyond your own will.

I have been told many times in my life that “I expect too much”. Sometimes it was in the context of a romantic relationship, other times it happened in friendships that I treasured but in every case I fought against myself and had moments of wondering if I was asking too much of the situation.

What I came to see was that when you “expect” you are really asking if you “Deserve”.

Amid those relationships falling apart because of what the other person deemed was “too much” I was also found that in reality what they were saying to me was that maybe I didn’t “deserve” what I was asking for.

Wow. That’s heavy stuff isn’t it?

Yet in my life, good things came from it.

Sure, I have been saddened and hurt when the love, care and concern I have offered to other people never came back around, but that never stopped me from giving those things to the world around me. It never turned my heart to stone or caused me to build a wall around my life never allowing anyone in because of the fear that I would never be treated equally.

Instead it makes me work harder to show people that they mean something to me, it encourages me to reach out and say the words, ease the hurts and celebrate the accomplishments, even when they are not mine.

Sometimes I wonder if that is what keeps us on opposite sides of our fences; the thought that other people or situations can never measure up to the preconceived notion we have of them. If you’ll excuse my use of the word again…do we all “expect too much of the world?”

I don’t think so. I live in a constant state of hope, anticipation and possibility about my life.

Cock-eyed optimist is a title I wear with grinning pride.

“Expecting” anything is a daily practice in self awareness for me. Look, I know it’s a rather selfish request when I am anticipating a reaction, a display or a response that may never happen the way I think it will. That’s not to say that it never happens, it just doesn’t occur the way I envision.

For me, that is the place where I could always wallow in disappointment and lash out at the unfairness of never being treated the same way. But thankfully optimism seems to be tangled in my DNA and even in the darkest moments, it brings me into the light, it reminds me that nothing stays hopeless  forever as long as you let your own energy seep into those gray corners.

Maybe that means I’m still “expecting too much”, perhaps I will never stop anticipating the best case scenario or believing with all my heart that in some small way I ‘deserve” the things I desire, but at the heart of that childlike faith is a simple truth:

My life is happier and more fulfilled when I am giving others more than they expect.

The Kir Corner

Get to know Kir on her blog, The Kir Corner, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Pinterest.

16 Responses to Great Expectations: The Kir Corner

  1. Alison says:

    We are ever so lucky to be your friend Kir. I hope I live up to expectations. xoxo

    • Kir says:

      Seriously? YOU?Sweet pea, my hope is that I live up to YOURS.
      thank you for the beautiful friendship you give me every single day.
      I'm the LUCKY one. ;)

      xoxo

  2. Lovely. When I taught middle school I carried the motto: students will rise to the expectations set for them. So, I set them high. I've brought that mentality into parenting. It's a tricky thing setting expectations. But, I'm like you. Optimistic :) Almost always.

    • TheKirCorner says:

      Sarah, I love that you are optimistic. I love that you sit on that side of the fence with me. As for that motto, it's a good one. PEOPLE will rise to the expectations if you set them…and I believe that. I believe that when you finally start asking for exactly what you want, you either get it or you get a lesson in the kind of people who need to be removed from your life.

      I loved your comment, thank you so much for coming over to read me today. It meant a lot to me.

  3. Kir says:

    Oh Greta, thank you so much for that beautiful introduction and for your loving, friendly words. I truly *LIKE* you and Iove ya too. Thank you for letting me share myself here in your space, I'm so very humbled. :)

  4. christineyu69776410 says:

    This is such an amazing post Kir. I too have often been told that I expect too much, particularly with regard to my expectations of other people – family, friends, etc. But that concept seems a little crazy to me because part of the reason that I expect so much of people is because I believe that they are worthy and able to live up to those expectations, because I believe in them and their abilities and in them as people. So it makes me sad if I have to temper those expectations, if that makes sense. And like you, I feel like I deserve it too! Loved seeing you here.

    • TheKirCorner says:

      Hi you.
      First, thank you for liking this post so much, writing it I wondered how people would take it. Lately, I've had people tell me that I do expect too much and that I might just be "phony", that someone can not be kind, good, caring like that all the time. It hurt my heart very much…because I am a lot of things, I am human and flawed like many people, but I never thought I was phony….never thought I was unkind on purpose.

      as for this AMAZING comment, first THANK YOU , through tear filled eyes. Second, yes, why shouldn't we expect some kindness and love back from the people we give it to? If we love/'care/like someone to open our hearts then yes, I feel like they can do the same. In their own ways.

      always love seeing you, I miss you..hope you are well. xoxo

  5. Julia says:

    You are so right about expectations. I expect a lot of others but when they don't live up to them I'm dissappointed. I know I expect too much but it's who I am. I strive to see the best, to be optimistic. Great post.

    • TheKirCorner says:

      it's the disappointment, that's my undoing. I love doing for other people…I love being there, I love caring. That is never an obligation…
      but I think for both of us, that remaining optimistic about it, that knowing in our hearts that it's not really about the reciprocation, is what keeps the tears at bay and keeps me going, keeps me caring.

      thank you for this comment and for sharing that with me. I hope everyone in your life treats you the way your wonderful heart deserves.

  6. misterlou says:

    You do that one thing better than anyone I know – you give me more than I expect – you give me better than I deserve. And I love you for that.

    • TheKirCorner says:

      *smiling tears*…YOU are the one that gives me more than I deserve for sure. Every day…you make me smile, you lift my heart…you inspire me to be BETTER.

      I hope you know how much just knowing you means to me…and how much I work to deserve that GIFT!

  7. Kimberly says:

    I learned so much about this today in outpatient group. That we wake up and already have ingrained a set of expectations in our minds. When we don't live up to them we self sabotage ourselves and the cycle continues.
    Very insightful post my friend. xoxo

    • TheKirCorner says:

      Oh you, my beautiful friend. yes, I wake up every day thinking about HOW I WANT IT TO BE and when it doesn't come true, I blame myself, I feel like such a failure or non deserving. Maybe I should sit in on your outpatient group..

      thank you for reading this, for your beautiful comment and for always being such an amazing support to me. I hope you know how much I adore you. xoxo

  8. angela says:

    Girl, you're so wonderful. You bring light to my life every single day. xo I hope I can return the favor, even just a smidge.

    • TheKirCorner says:

      Nah!!! I'm not wonderful and YOU, you are the person that brings ME SUNSHINE every day. I feel so lucky to be your friend, I hope every single day that I DESERVE YOU.
      xoox

  9. […] Great Expectations: The Kir Corner Greta runs a great series on her blog called Great Expectations where she invited fellow bloggers over to talk about some of their own expectations. I loved this post from Kir. She talks about the connection between what we “expect” and what we “deserve”. Do you think you expect to much? […]