When I first heard of The Preppy Girl In Pink, I was smitten. I mean, pink is my favorite color! And talking with Kristen on Twitter, I realized that she was totally down to earth. We follow some of the same blogs and chat with a lot of the same people. I think it was when we became pals on Instagram, though, that we really connected. Something about seeing a person’s life in pictures really shows who they are, I think.
Kristen is the active mom of two girls coming up on their tween years, and she’s an inspiration to me. Not just in that she’s teaching her girls to be involved and healthy, but that she’s showing them how to be classy, grateful young girls. I love that.
Welcome, Kristen!
Greta, thank you so much for inviting me into your space. I’m so happy to be here today. I’ve had so much going on lately that I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it. Then I realized that what has been going on in my life makes for a pretty good post in regards to Great Expectations.
In April of 2011, I resigned from work with great expectations of being a stay at home mom with a spotless house, freshly prepared meals three times a day, crafts projects displayed proudly and too many more expectations to list.
I thought I was going to nail being a stay at home mom. When I make a decision to do something, I go hard at it. I give it 200% instead of 100%.
I started out with my Swiffer, recipe books, favorite crafts I had bookmarked throughout the blogosphere and the calendar for my ever social daughters.
I cleaned out closets and dresser drawers that hadn’t been touched in ages. (Does anyone remember acid washed jeans?)
I pulled out couches and cleaned under beds. (Hello, giraffe Littlest Pet Shop toy that I was blamed for throwing out with the wrapping paper mess after the previous Christmas.)
I rearranged the pantry and kitchen cabinets. (I’m pretty sure I went back in time from the dates on some of the dry goods in my pantry.)
I tried a few recipes here and there. (What was I thinking?! Cooking three times a day is just torture for me. Dinner planning and cooking is hard enough!)
I made a holiday wreath out of ribbons with friends. (Okay, truth be told…we attempted to make wreaths. Melanie & Cyndi, insert laughter here.)
I went online to make photo albums. (Wow! That is time consuming and well, with so many options…it can be a bit overwhelming.)
I went on a field trip just 3 days after my last day of work to the National Zoo with a bus full of 2nd graders in DC traffic. (Do I really need to say anything more here?)
I was living the life that I had pictured as being the type of stay at home mom my family needed to get along and function as a whole but I was really struggling. Yes, I was grateful that we could afford for me to be able for me to stay at home with our two daughters. Yes, I was happy to be able to actually see my old friends and have the time to make some new ones without a hectic work and travel schedule. Yes, I was much more comfortable allowing my girls to go to more activities now that I had the time to volunteer and meet the people they wanted to spend time with.
I was meeting all of these great expectations that I had filled my head with and my family was thriving instead of struggling but I was not feeling like myself. I felt like I was missing something. I felt like I needed more. I didn’t need a whole lot more but a little.
So, I talked to my husband after almost a year of me trying to be June Cleaver (Why didn’t I remember that she was a fictional character?!) and we decided that I needed to try to find something part time in the workforce. We didn’t want life to get crazy again with both of us working full time, travelling and passing like ships in the night. We didn’t want our girls to worry that things would go back to the way they were before when both of us were gone so much.
After a year and a half, we are finally where my family needs to be for all of us to be happy. I have the best of both worlds. I am a stay at home mom that works part time from home. It may only be less than 10 hours a week but it is enough. It is enough for me to feel like I am still contributing to our household. It is enough to make me feel like my brain will not shut down from not challenging it.
And most importantly, it is enough for my daughters to see that just because you have this illusion of what your great expectations may be in life…that you can always change them.
Photo by: A Little Something Photography
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Greta, Thanks again for having me. It has been great getting to know you. I feel like Instagram is the glue to our friendship too. You may be across the country from me but I feel like you are so close sharing in the pictures of your day. I'm glad we found each other in this gigantic blogosphere!
Aw, thanks, Kristen! Me too!
So excited to see your post here, your blog and Greta's are two of my faves. I have to agree that I really struggled with feeling like something was missing when I first started out being a SAHM. Now I work a little and I think it's better though lately I've been feeling like I could use something more. Good for you for finding some balance!
Thanks for that awesome comment above!! So happy to hear that I'm not alone in this boat. I did worry that people would think I was crazy for needing more or selfish. I just feel like I do a better job of being a wife and a mom when I am a better me and for that, it means I need to work some.
It has been wonderful to witness your metamorphosis from SAHM to a part time work at home mom doing the things you are passionate aboiut. Great role model for your girls!
Thanks, Heather! Truly so many of you have helped me find my way since I started blogging. It is so wonderful to be able to share thoughts and feelings with all of you and help me see things through different perspectives. Then I can wrap it up in a pretty bow and talk with my husband and it makes sense instead of being a jumbled mess.
Y'all are so similar I can't believe you haven't known each other all along 🙂 right here in this post are two of my most favorite people. Love to see you here 🙂 Kristen, I have said time and time again what a great mom I think that you are to your daughters. Working part time is a dream of mine. Once we are out of the itty bitty stage- I look forward to returning to work. I won't wish these days away, but knowing that they're there gives me hope that my identity is still out there waititng for me to reclaim it.
HI sweetie, two of my favorite gals here in one space!! yay!!
(Greta, I just love this series!!)
First, Kristen you know that I think you are amazing, in fact I think about you often as a woman that I'd like to emulate simply because you care about being a woman, as well as a mom and wife. It's hard to find that balance sometimes. I know that going to work every day is the right thing for me, for my family but I also know that for other families it's better for them to do it differently, everytime I read you I am reminded that it's possible and that maybe someday I can do a part time schedule too.
it was a wonderful account of how things don't always turn out the way we want them to, but sometimes the surprise is the best part.
xo
I love this post and where you ended up. Whenever we make a big decision like this and go forward with it, we always think everything should fall into place right away, but it often takes some time. It's so wonderful to read about how you stuck with it and worked it out and found the balance that works for you. Congrats to you 🙂
I know this pull to do something more, to be more ourselves and maybe, just a little less mom. Which is why I do so much in blogging and in the online world. This is mine, and mine to make it more.
So glad to see you here!
Oh, this is SO great! I am so glad you've found something that works for YOU and your family. You are a great Mom and wife Kristen. And I just adore that photo of you with your beautiful girls… xo
Three cheers for you, Kristen! I also am a SAHM that works 10-20 hours a week and feel like it keeps me sane (ok sometimes INSANE!) but usually more good than bad. XOXOXO
I work full time outside of the home and it feels like I am always busy or running around. There are times that I just feel lost and need to catch up with things before everything gets out of control.
It sounds like you have found a happy medium and it works out perfectly for you and your family!
It makes me happy to know that you've found that place of contentment. 🙂
Sounds like you found a happy balance for all. June Cleaver and Carol Brady are hard acts to follow. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog!
I am so glad you found the perfect balance.
Kristen I always appreciate your honesty. Getting to know you more I really believe that you put your heart into everything you do. So it doesn’t suprise me to hear that you were doing way too much, I think we all fall into that place as women. I’m glad you found some balance though, and that your happy. I’m still trying to find that balance myself. Great post friend 🙂 xo
Such a great post, Kristen. I can really identify with this. Staying home is what I've always wanted, but often my expectations cause unnecessary stress. I love the end when you wrote you're showing your girls it's ok to change your expectations. Beautiful photo!
Great choice, greta!
All it takes is finding that thing, that one thing (or, well, a few things sometimes) that work for your family. It amazes me how we expect something to be one way and it turns out to be something entirely different. I'm glad you've found what works for your family, though. I'm still trying to get there. (Also, yeah, that hump to the zoo in our regular traffic is no joke. Add in a busload of 2nd graders and a bit of rush hour congestion and oooh boy).
This is such a great post Kristen and I love your perspective. There are so many people that I know who would just sit and complain about the situation but you – as with everything you do – have been so thoughtful about what it is that you are after and what is in the best interests of your family. I decided to stay at home after J was born. I thought that it would be great and what I wanted but before I knew it, it was 3 years and I had lost a sense of myself. I knew that I needed something more and that I need to preserve my sense of self. That's been a huge lesson for me.
Such a beautiful post. I too struggled and struggle with these same issues. Running became my outlet the thing I did for me, to define me outside of being "June Cleaver" which would often times make me feel bored and lonely but I was too ashamed to admit. Balance is certainly the key to life.
I am so glad you found the happy medium that you needed! I can not be a SAHM but also don't want want the full time world right now – it's too much and my kids deserve more than a mom who is "never home" and when she is home, never present. Thanks for your honest look at your expectations and how they evolved and how YOU evolved. xo
Great thoughts Kristen. When I first became a stay at home mom, I stayed home and did part-time contract work. I was able to do that for three years then funding was cut. I do think you have a great balance. And I wish I was able to do something similar with some pay. My blog and my writing act like work, but I don't get a paycheck. 🙁
[…] Great Expectations In this guest post that Kristen wrote for G*Funk*ified speaks to expectations that we have of ourselves and how sometimes, when even though we meet all those expectations that we have for ourselves, it doesn’t feel quite right. But what can we do about that? […]
I feel like we've been ships passing in the night lately. Finally got a chance to read and glad I did. It's awesome you are balancing your needs along with your families needs. That's tough to do. You are an amazing person and I love ya babe!
Finding that perfect balance is tough! So glad you get to have the best of both worlds! As we get nearer to the time my little ones will start school I've been struggling with just what I want to do — love the idea of working from home part time! And I love that beautiful picture at the end!
I loved reading more about how you got to your NOW.
Isn't it funny how we envision our roles to be, until we're in them?
I think your "middle ground" looks fabulous on you. 🙂
I would love to achieve the kind of balance that allows me to work part-time from home. I've never thought of myself as particularly ambitious and have always said that I work largely out of necessity rather than desire. But that's not entirely true. I've worked my butt off for two years to develop and grow a successful blog out of which I've landed networking contacts and writing opportunities – one of my primary goals in starting said blog. And at my "real" job, I'm at my best when I'm busy and confident in my abilities and feel like I'm a valued member of my team – something my boss made a point of noting just last week after praising my efforts lately. And if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I have the stamina to be a full-time SAHM – and I have mad respect for anyone who does.
But I would like a bit more balance in my life. I'd like to be able to spend more time having fun with my husband and daughter, as opposed to always feeling like I have to complete a backload of chores before I'm allowed to enjoy life. I'd like to have more time to focus on long-neglected home organization projects. And yes, I'd like to devote more time to writing.
Maybe being a SAHM would allow me to do all of this. Or not. Either way, I have to wonder if the grass really would be greener on the other side. Or if I've just always taken for granted how much I truly value working.